I hold on to a notebook. It's the only thing left from my world. A few words in a notebook. Can they make me more confident?
I have 20 pairs of eyes on me. Eyes of children hungry to hear what I have for them.
I start walking through the hall. I can feel their eyes on me. I want to hide somewhere, but there is no piece of furniture to hide behind, no carpet to go under. I reach the place I've chosen and sit on the ground.
So I start calming myself down. My mind starts getting settled slowly and steadily. Some more seconds and my mind is completely calmed down.
My first few words remain hanging in the air like laundry in the sun. Tedi is supporting me and gives me some ideas how to continue. I am saved!
We start playing games. First game that we play breaks the ice. Second game is a real success. Kids have forgotten their shyness. I seem to have gained more confidence as well. The feeling is like something is pushing me forward, supporting me... I am calm already, but it is really amazing how it works. I am amazed - how can I be so shy in one moment and in the next - so confident. However, I must add, that before I couldn't even speak in public. Now I am conducting courses, I am doing also intro talks and going to meetings. Shyness is diminishing slowly. I can express myself much better.
Kids are happy. They don't really want us to go apart. I can notice the difference in them - it's amazing how they have changed in the 3 days that we have spent together. They smile more, they trust each other more. I feel home with them. I also don't want to go actually. But now I hold on to nothing, so I just go. This world is all mine.