Sunday, August 29, 2010

If ...

IF …

… I had written this article yesterday, as I intended, I would have written totally different things than this..

I would have told you, that…

The last two days we were really chilling. We were preparing to leave Smolyan and nobody was in a hurry. We were packing up, we had a conference call with Sri Sri (very enjoyable, btw.). Aw, and we received a letter from the Smolyan municipality expressing their gratitude for our service work over there :)))))
We left Smolyan early in the morning on Saturday. I was sad about it. I’ve spent 1 month there. I got accustomed to the city, the mountains, the people, our daily routine, everything. I dind’t really want to leave Smolyan. Even the hotel owner had tears in her eyes and said she will miss us, even though we had some quarrels with her!

I think, that if I would have written this article a day ago, the mood would have been more minor, because of us leaving Smolyan.


… everything changes. Moods change like weather in the mountain, maybe even faster.
Yesterday I was so tired, that I couldn’t really keep my eyes open, let alone write. I guess that even the same things I would have written in a different way.

We had a 6 hour trip to the seaside. During this time we weer singing, chatting and eating junk food (one of the first times I am having it in a month). I even slept on the bus stairs, cause my dear friend Santa from Latvia fell asleep on both mine and her seat and I didn’t want to wake up :D :D.

Once we arrived at our hotel in Sarafovo (Burgas), we were in the sea, playing like small kids :D I even tried to teach two of the girls from our group how to swim, but with no visible success.
Then we went on a small trip to Nesebar – a world heritage city near Bourgas.
Although I was tired, I had the greatest night ever! While most of the others went dancing, a group of four people including me went to the beach for stargazing. The experience was amazing, I cannot find the proper words to describe it. Actually I slept there under the stars (first time for this year).. and in the morning, I woke up just before the down, ran a little, then did a wonderful set of asanas, kriya and meditation. One of the best experience from Yes! We Can so far!

SO …

…there is no “if” :) It just does not exist. The article that was I my mind yesterday is already gone. It just does not exist. There is only now. Just one moment and then NOW is gone. And right now I am happy with where I am and what I do, that’s the only thing that matters ;)

Friday, August 27, 2010


While we were recording our songs at the theater I was nervous..
nervous, cause I was afraid I could screw up...
nervous, cause we didn’t have enough time to practice together…
nervous, cause it was my first time doing this…

Do you know how I came out of this? I started being grateful… grateful for being part of the whole thing, grateful that those guys chose me... This helped me a lot. I just switched my mind from the fear, that I am not good enough to the gratefulness for the opportunity to perform. Otherwise I would have been stuck and I would have probably screwed up :)

In our daily life we are usually not aware of this, but it is very important to be grateful. Our mind usually gets stuck with what we don’t have and chews it on and on, and on, until we get depressed. We simply forget what we have by repeating many times that we don’t have something else... And in most cases the things that we have are far more than the things, that we don’t. For instance, we may have a wonderful family, great friends, but no girlfriend or boyfriend/not enough money/etc. and therefore we are having a ‘loooong face’ every day.

So if you get depressed or unhappy with yourself at some point, here is a technique you can use. Sit down and think of all the positive things, that you have. At first it may be a little bit hard, because we tend to forget, but be persistent. Just go through everything you can think of. You may even consider writing those things down. Write down even things that may sound silly at first. Write down even small things (be grateful to the woman that gave you a smile on the bus or in the shop!). Even if there is only one thing on your list (however, I am quite sure there will be a lot more than that!!!), just stick to it! Be grateful! Remember the list every time you start drifting away. :)

And if you start doubting yourself, like I did (why did they choose me? Am I good enough for this?), just shift your question a little – wow, they chose me! Wow, I am doing this, although I am a beginner! I am so grateful for it! :)))))

I am grateful for being here;
I am grateful for having the opportunity to spend time with all of these positive and creative young people;
I am grateful for the wonderful friends and family that I have;
I am grateful for the life I live;
I am grateful.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Oh my God :))))

Today we recorded 7 songs. Believe it or not, we recorded OUR OWN songs.. In a hall in the local theater.. and I am singing on two of those songs. Well, ok, not exactly singing, it's more like rapping, but the song is not really rap.. the initial idea was for a rap song, but it became something else.. you will hear it sooner or later, when you buy our CD :P Can you guys believe it? :)

Since we are in Smolyan, the music team has been very productive - for 3 weeks the guys have written 7 songs and there are 3-4, which are not yet complete. The ones responsible for that are Karolina from Lithuania (vocals) and Zlatko from Croatia (guitar and vocals). Zlatko wrote all the music, Karolina - most of the texts. Other participants in the musical group are Gordana from Croatia and Martyna from Poland (both are singing), and of course the 'djembe' section, including my roommate Alen (Croatia) and me. Other people contributed with texts, like for instance July from Taiwan, who wrote a wonderful song in English with a chinese chorus :)

I cannot describe how happy I am about all of this. I am also grateful for being part of the whole thing. One month ago I couldn't imagine that I will be on some record, cause I never played some instrument. And now ... Now I want to have my own band when I come back to Sofia :)

P.S. Tomorrow I will upload photos from the recording session ;)

Have a nice evening,

Monday, August 23, 2010

Mission accomplished

We cleaned the lakes, we cleaned a path near a river and a road, leading out of Smolyan. And all this - in a day, and it was planned that it would take us 2 days to do it :) Some dudes helped us - two americans from the 'peace core', some locals and some people from the red cross. The experience was amazing, it felt really good to do something for the nature :)

You can see some photos from the event here (click on a photo to enlarge):

Tales from the ... lakes :)

Today we are going to the lakes. Not the 1000 lakes of Finland, but the 2 lakes of Smolyan. We are going to clean up a little bit there. We are also preparing brand new warning signs for the forest area (I am currently editing the text). Basically it's about 'don't litter' and 'don't start a fire' signs.
So next two days are dedicated to nature and the nights - to our projects :) Voila! ;)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Back on line :)

Hey there :) in the recent days we were in isolation. For almost 2 days there was no net at the hotel. Besides, my laptop's HDD got fried.

Well, isolation is over and my laptop is good to go, so I am gonna be writing more often (hopefully). These are our last days in Smolyan and we've got a lot of work to do.

So see ya :)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The first obstacle

Do you know what the expressions "to hit the wall" means? This is the moment, when you just can't do any more. The term is mostly used in sports (I know it from some movie, actually). It can refer to either a physical or a phsychological condition.

I started climbing. First - the ladder. It felt so unreal - was it me climbing there? Was I the one, who started climbing thаt rock? I felt as if I was just a viewer of some movie, where the main character has to climb a huge rock. Of course, he was tied to a rope and the character wasn't gonna die if he fell, but still there was the thrill of hitting yourself in the rock.. especially in the first meters, when one must climb vertically. Then came one horisontal part of the track. After that - again vertically, but this time - a much easier part.

My hands started sweating. I had to press my carabiner and switch it to the next rope. At first I thought I couldn't do it. I was about to let go, I thought. Well, that happens in life, doesn't it (to me especially - quite often)? Besides, other people failed before me. Did I just hit the wall? My wall?.. but no, not this time. It was time for a change. I pressed the carabiner really hard, ignored the sweating of the hands, switched to the horizontal rope, then shifted also the second carabiner. One small 'leap of faith' and then two steps horizontally. I was on the track! And I didn't fell :) My hands were a little bit tired after the first part, but there was no way back.

I heard the people down there roaring. They were encouraging someone else from our group. I was in some kind of dream.. a lucid one - leaping carefully from stone to stone and from one metal bar to another. It felt good. Every cell of your body - activated. Every move - balanced. More conscious than ever and still - most of the moves - unconscious. So hard to explain.

There were several other difficult parts of the track, but there was no way back. So it's a must - do or hang on the metal rope until someone comes from down there to save you. And you are maybe 20 away from the ground.. Thank you, but NO! :)

So, I did it to the end. I am proud of it, cause I've never climbed before. It was not hard for my body, it was hard for the mind to believe that it is possible. As one of the instructors there explained - 'it's a software thing'. And it really is. In life, I usually give up at the first obstacle or somewhere around it. I have never been a fighter, but I want to become one. And I will, hopefully ;) That's why I am here :)

P.S. This happened at the Uhlovitsa cave near Smolyan. The cave is gorgeous btw.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

A day of music

Yuhuuu :)

I had a great day here in Smolyan! Today we started learning the guitar and I learned playing 3-4 songs, which is quite much for a first day. The guitar lesson was only in the morning, but still we didn't know what was about to come. And what came later simply blew our minds...

I haven't mentioned it before, but we have a lot of guest speakers here. By now we have had the president of Easy Credit, a Comissioner from the EU commission (Kristalina Georgieva). And today's speaker...

Ok, I won't be teasing you anymore :) Валя Балканска (Valya Balkanska - a world renowned singer) was at the hall, where we usually play Yoga!!! :) And she was not alone - along came also Peter Yanev - a prolific bagpiper from the Rodopi mountain. Those guys simply changed my idea of music, but they also proved to be very interesting speakers. They talked simply, but deeply, mainly about the philosophy of bulgarian folklore. Quotes like 'Singing is working and working should be like singing' will immediately go to my favourite quotes page. They also showed us the divinity of bulgarian music. They sung a couple of songs and I can tell you - we were people from 12 countries in the hall, many of us had tears in their eyes. The songs from the Rodopa mointain are simply amazing - they have captured the spirit of the mountain, of the people and of the hard times they were written in. I hope that someone of the film crew will just convert my videos, so I can share that magic with you.
So, to round up a little - this was an amazing day dedicated to music. We all enjoyed it a lot!

Saturday, August 14, 2010


Different days bring different moods. Today is my day for bad mood. Well, that was expected, since I have been in such a good state of mind for the last two weeks. (Am I really away for two weeks? It feels like I am away for several months, so much things have happened since I came here..).
Today we were supposed to report the results from our work for this week. Well, honestly speaking, this wasn't the best day for the blog writing team. We (me and Gordana from Croatia, the other prolific writer) suggested two versions for an opening article for the official blog, but both of them failed to grasp Kamlesh's attention. Now we have to write a third version from scratch. I also started to work on a text for a song, but I got stuck.
At least the guys from the other teams did a great job - now we have a small video, a dance and a brand new song ready! And the song is just amazing!
Of course, in everything negative, there is also something positive (opposite values are complementory, if you don't know - that's what we teach on our courses). I am extremely happy with my writing partner Goga (short from Gordana). By now we have proven to be very well synchronized, we don't have to talk a lot in order to understand each other. Can you imagine, that we wrote allmost the same stuff, when we were writing separately on the same topic! Let's hope that this sinergy continues and brings some good results for our team. Bad thing is only, that we have very similar ideas and therefore we might need a hand from other people.
So I guess it's time for me to call it a night. I hope that the morning will bring me some new ideas :)
Wish you a good night and a great day,

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

the long walk home

I close my eyes. I have a strip over my eyes, so there is no use opening them. A warm hand takes mine and pulles me gently.
At first I hesitate. Should I go? and what If I fall on the ground? But what to do - that's part of the game. I feel another gentle hand on my shoulder, then I start walking more comfortable.
A staircase. The hand is pushing me gently, so that I know that there is a step. Then we are in the grass. I am being pushed to the ground, so that I can smell the grass. The gentle hand leads mine to a flower. I touch it. It is so delicate - almost like silk. Then we get up and walk rapidly. The leading hand presses mine against some bars. It's cold, but the metal does not feel strange or unusual to me. Feels more like it's a part of me, I have forgotten that I have :). Then comes this bronze statue. I touch it, eager to find out the person's identity, but my leading hand is pulling me impatiently.
The person leading me is taking me to a different place - I found myself standing in front of a tree. The hands show me, that I have to touch it. It feels alive. I put my arms around the tree and hug it. I hear myself laughing innocently, just like small children do. Then another gentle pull from the hand. We go down some stairs. Now I am totally in the hands of that person. She can bring me whenever she likes. One wrong step and GAME OVER, I think for a second. But this thought disappears quickly, because I don't stick to it, I just let it pass me by.
The hand then turns me round and round. I am not worried. It seems like a game, nothing bad can really happen to me. I feel secure. Then it takes me to some wall. I put my hand on the wall. We start running. I am running with my hands aside, pretending to be an airplane. I am a kid again...

All this was a part of a process we did here, which aims to build up trust between people. Actually I didn't know who was "the hand", until the game was over. It was the hand of a lithuanian girl called Ausra. The game lasted no more than 3-5 minutes, but to me it was more like an hour or so. So, time is relative, as maybe you all know :) Something else - don't trust your eyes only. Beyond that, in the other senses, there is a whole different world. So many dimensions are there.. you just have to dive into them, to change your point of view :)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Program

Yesterday the program started. I expect it to be a great fun, but also a great stretch for us (and from there we'll learn a lot). Kamlesh, our main trainer, is quite an interesting person and I expect to learn a lot from him. I can't really say what he's like, cause I know him just a couple of days now, but I will share with you that he was born in Africa, was brought up as a kid in a village in Inda, and then spend his teen years in Bronx, New York. For me, this speaks of a very interesting and multy faceted personality.

Quote of the day:

Just do it! Just do it right! Just do it right now! (nice, huh? :))

For the program, we also got a partner, who best reflects our personality and with whom we'll work together, but I will tell you more about him tomorrow or in the days to come.

Actually in the next days I will consider describing the people I am with - just some short profiles with pics. Let's see how that works :)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Recent news :)

I don't really know how to describe the last couple of days. They have been the most amazing days of my life, and my programme has not even started properly. :)
After the advance course came the blessing program. I cannot tell you much about it, guys, because I will spoil your joy of doing it :) It is a real fun and there is a lot of cleansing, that's what I can tell to you. As my DSN teacher Santosh says - "polish, polish, polish" (meaning that you are constantly improving yourself). I recommend it "with both hands" (as I would say in bulgarian language :)). Plus - now people can get a blessing through me. Believe it or not - it works! :)))
Btw. you can also go and see Swami Jotirmaya in Sofia 9-11 august, 19:00-21:30 in Universiada Hall or you can get a blessing from him on the 14th of august from 17.00 at the Art of Living Center in Sofia. You will love that guy, I promise you! ;)
Actually the YES - WE CAN! program starts today. We are becoming leaders, you know? :P Yesterday we just had to present ourselves officially in front of the other participants. In fact, I have known more of those people for more than a week and I've observed them. It's really amazing what a week of saddhana (yoga practice), meditation plus the cleansing processess has done to us - everybody has become more natural and more self-confident. And the big "polish, polish, polish" has not even started...

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Art of Silence

Silence is an art and a privilege, especially in our age of computers, mobile phones and television. We are hardly alone with our thougths. We are living super fast and our mind gets almost no time to rest. It gets overloaded.

In silence, you are able to relax 100%. Actually all our disturbances, all our negativity is coming from words. Somebody tells us something, we read about something, we see something and we get disturbed. So when you stop the flow of information for a while, the rest that you get is really deep.
What is also important, is that you are moving away from the position of the 'doer' and you are becoming an 'observer'. You cannot participate in most of the modern time activities, so you start observing yourself, people around you, situations and so on and when you do so, you discover a deeper perception inside of you. It's really interesting to discover how much perception one has, but it usually is hidden in the depts of our mind, behind the loads of thoughts, that we have.

This is the second time, when I am being silent for 3 days, so I can tell you - there is nothing like it :) Now I am out of silence (that's why I am writing in this blog) :) Actually, I am speaking since yesterday afternoon, but I didn't have any time to switch on my computer, let alone write here, in facebook, or anywhere else.

Basically I am feeling really happy after this experience. Silence is something really amazing and I know, that all those who have experienced will agree with me. Although we were more than 80 people together in one hall, you really have the opportunity to be with yourself, which is, basically, wonderful. Of course, from time to time, you just want to poke the buddy next to you and have a good laugh together, but this will spoil the whole thing. Good thing is that you don't need to apologize to people, you don't need to explain anything to anyone. If anyone demands something from you, you can completely ignore him :)

Actually my dad also participated on this course, and he experienced the following. My father went everyday to a spring nearby, in order to get some mineral water for the course participants. For this, he was using our car. One day the car ran out of gas, so my dad, who was in silence, went to the gas station with a small piece of paper, where he had written what gasoline he wanted. He said, that people really pitied him - they thought he was dumb :D